Before My Heart Stops by Paul Cardall

This is an absolutely inspiring video promoting Paul Cardall's new book, Before My Heart Stops. Just this short clip brings me to tears everytime as I remember my own daughter's heart transplant journey. My perspective on life has changed so much since watching my daughter teeter on the brink of death many times. I view life differently, and I cherish every moment with my children like never before. They are my life, my reason for living, and I never want to feel like I have any regrets. I want to know that even in my brokeness as a human being, that I have been the best mother I can be. There is no greater calling than to be a parent--to love our children the way that the Lord loves us. We are their example of what a loving God is here on earth. Each day I fail miserably, but I will continue to press on, love them, lead them and let them know that they can always count on me.

Mason Hibbert, Our Hero

Two years ago, our lives changed in a way that we could have never fathomed. From the moment AnnaSophia was born, she was fighting for her life. She had such prolific defects, I didn't think that there was anyway that a child like her could live. I was amazed at the surgical techniques the doctors in Denver used to repair her heart, but she still struggled. She limped along on the heart she was born with, not realizing she was so sick. She smiled and cooed her way through heart failure that progressed rapidly. Finally, we were told that she would not be able to live much longer with her heart. She had heavy duty drugs pumping through her veins just to keep her alive. Her only chance at life was a heart transplant.

As I write this at 1:45am, I realize that two years ago, AnnaSophia was in surgery having all of her lines placed and being prepared to go on the heart/lung machine. We measured time by status updates from our nurse. We prayed that she would be strong enough not to die on the table before her special heart arrived.

Even though we were dealing with such a frightening, yet hopeful situation, I was keenly aware that there was another family that was dealing with the pain of losing their child. I cried and prayed for my child, but I also cried and prayed for this family that I didn't know. I was in awe that a family could make a decision to donate life during the most difficult time in their lives. Through their pain, they chose to save other's lives.

I am still in awe of the Hibbert family and the gift they gave to not only my AnnaSophia, but to two other people as well. They are the very definition of heroes in my book. Mason was a vibrant, big, 18 month old boy with a smile that could light up a room. His parents told me that he was very giving and loved to share. These qualities held true to the end for Mason who in his passing saved lives and shared his heart with my little girl. Thank you Hibbert family, and I pray that the Lord of peace will continue to shower you with comfort.

Fakes

I feel like I have certainly been on a roller coaster ride for the past two and a half years. Our lives changed dramatically with the birth of AnnaSophia. For my children and I, we never knew that we could love someone like we love AnnaSophia. I have seen Ethan and Emily grow by leaps and bounds--not just physically, but I have seen their hearts grow with love and compassion for their baby sister with the special heart, and all children who we have been blessed to know, who have had their own set of challenges.

At times this roller coaster has not been just about AnnaSophia's medical issues. We have all struggled with our faith at times, wrestling with God. We have seen our friendships tested and truth revealed, sometimes in very painful ways. I tend to be a very trusting person, taking what people say at face value. Maybe I should be more cynical, but I have always tried to see the good in people.

Lately, I have really struggled with truth and lies. I love truth!!! I really, really don't like lies and liars. I'm not talking about little white lies that we tell to prevent injury to others. I'm not talking about responding to the question of how is your day with "Fine" or "Good" when you are really having an awful day. I'm talking about something more pathological. It seems that I have encountered many people within "the church" who have a nasty habit of lying. By "the church", I mean the non-denominational, evangelical community. I have seen people in church, presenting themselves as the perfect christians, who know all the right "catch phrases" and "christian-speak" so as to make people think that they are somehow very enlightened, mature christians. The reality is that all this seems to serve is to paint a picture to the world that they are something that they are not.

I don't presume to know what is in a person's heart, but I do think that I am a pretty good judge of actions. I have seen church leaders pursue relationships that put their marriage vows at risk, I have seen people say one thing and admit that it was a lie later, just for the purspose of appearing like the perfect christian. Honestly, I battle being disillusioned by the things that I have seen and experienced.

The heart of the matter is that we are all sinners. We are not perfect. I just don't like people who pretend to be. Be real!!! Be real to yourself, be real to God and be real to others. Wrestle with God, search for answers, surround yourself with people who will sharpen your faith, but for goodness sakes, make sure that they are what they say. I admire people who are honest about their faith more than people who say all the right things, but are fakes.