Sometimes Life Takes a Detour

I know that this post comes right on the heels of my post about inspiration.  I've debated many times on how to share the changes in our family, and the words have not come easily.  It's a hard pill to swallow, especially for me.

After 15 and 1/2 years of marriage, Steve and I are divorcing.

I was warned when going through the transplant process that the divorce rate among couples with critically ill children is about 75%, but as always, I tend to be an optimist.  I really never thought that would be us.  Can having a critically ill child cause divorce?  Maybe, but I tend to think that the high divorce rate is because stress maximizes problems that were already there.

Being the left-brained nerd that I am, I turned to research to help me make sense of things.  I don't know if it necessarily helped, other than to provide comfort food for that left side of my brain.  I was shocked to find out that the Evangelical Christian community has the highest divorce rate among all of the faiths.  Even the atheists fair better in marriage statistics.  Why???  What is going on here?

The answer is:  I don't know.  Maybe I need to do more research. 

That leads me to Rabbit Trails and Detours, my new blog.  The one thing I love to do is write.  It's therapeutic.  I love words.  As my sister often says, "Mary likes big words."  This is where the nerd part comes in again.  It's not that my goal is to set myself far apart from others or make people uncomfortable.  It's just that sometimes that left side of my brain gets excited and can't help spewing research, little known facts and big words.  I will try to keep this to a minimum.

AnnaSophia's blog will continue, but I realized that the focus of her blog is updates on the children, Congenital Heart Defect (CHD) awareness and inspiration as we walk our journey of medical challenges.  Rabbit Trails and Detours provides a forum for my mental meanderings that I so often find my brain taking. 

The reality is that every person's life journey takes detours.  There is not one person I've met who can say that their life has turned out EXACTLY the way they imagined it.  Maybe the destination is the same, but the path taken to get there may not be what was originally imagined. 

If God had sat me down and told me, "You will have three children.  Your babies will be sick.  The first will be on the Autism spectrum, the second will have reflux, and the third will have a broken heart.  You will be raising them by yourself.  You will lean on Me for everything, and your faith and trust in Me will grow.  I will be here for all of your needs." 

I would have most  likely said, "Thanks God, but that doesn't sound like fun.  Can I have the easy, fun life instead?  I'm not strong enough for that, and that life scares me."

I've imagined God's response to me many times.  I can't directly speak for Him, but I know without a doubt that He is here, He is real, and He is for us--not just my family, but anyone who seeks Him. 

Without question, life is changing for all of us.  I am walking down a path that I never thought I would lay a foot on.  I have worked through every emotion from shock and sadness to anger and embarrassment. I am under such a tremendous amount of stress right now, and there have been times where it was painful to take each breath.  I can honestly say that I have more good days than bad now. 

As painful as this time has been for myself, it has been a terrifying time for my children.  I'm usually able to keep them smiling, and I work very hard to make them feel loved and secure.  I don't want them to ever think that this was their fault.  One of the lessons they have unfortunately learned is that you cannot control what others do--you can only control your reaction to it, and trust in God.

One thing is certain, I feel God's presence as I walk this path.  I have felt as though He has been a step ahead of the children and me, taking care of us.  The Lord has put amazing people in my life during this time, and I feel very thankful for my friends' and family's support.  I don't know what His plan is for my children and me, but I hope that our hearts are healed and that love and joy will always be present in our home.

Cardiac Clinic Day

AnnaSophia was absolutely full of charm today.  These are the days that make a parent proud.  We started our day very early (in the car by 5:30am) for her routine Cardiac Clinic visit.  She has been doing so well, that we are able to go to clinic once every four months.  She continues to get her immune suppression levels checked every two months.  This is such a change from going to Denver Children's Hospital two and three times a week when we first came home post-transplant.

She was so polite and engaged today, giving smiles and hugs to all of our favorite nurses, sonographers and doctors.  She started her morning in the lab, having her blood drawn.  As usual, she never cries and is such a champ.  I can't say the same for the blood pressures.  It doesn't matter how many ways you tell her that she's just getting her arm hugged, she is convinced that it is torture.  She sailed through her echo and EKG without any complaints.  This is such a change from a year ago when she would scream her head off while the sonographers tried to get pictures of her aortic arch.

The news was good today.  Her immune suppression levels are right where they are supposed to be.  Her CBC was great, her EKG was fine, and her echo was consistent with last time.  I can't say that it was perfect, because I don't know that she will ever have a perfect echo, but it was stable for her.  The reality is that she has minor regurgitation of her mitral valve, and she has a leaky aortic valve.  It hasn't gotten any worse from her last echo, and that is positive.  She has shown some narrowing of her superior vena cava and aortic arch, but this was consistent with her last echo.

AnnaSophia will have her immune suppression levels checked in another two months.  As long as she continues to do well and doesn't show any signs of rejection, she will not need to be seen in the cardiac clinic for another four months.  Overall, she is fantastic!  No one looking at her would know that she had a heart transplant.  She is absolutely amazing and truly a blessing. 

Thank you to all of my friends who have been praying for a good check up.  Prayers were answered.